pleased is an understatement

we sat under the stars,
we talked, we laughed, we cuddled, we kissed
and life was good for five hours

now angry/sad blog

i fucking hate the bullshit that some people have to go through. its completely fucked up. i hate people who have to deal with abuse of any kind. i hate seeing them cry. i hate wondering if the smile is real. i hate being happy when theyre not. i hate the fact i cant do anything. i hate feeling like i can never make a difference. i hate the fact its still happening. i hate knowing that women, men, children, innocent people around the world are being tortured, raped, oppressed, teased, kicked out, lonely. i hate that there is no simple solution. i hate the fact there is no possible way to make anyone forget, to heal their wounds. i hate that its fellow humans doing it. i hate that people can even think of commiting all these fucked up acts. and i really hate that i know amazing people who deal with it everyday, just because there's nothing anyone else can do
this goes out to everyone suffering

=)

it's not as if life is amazing or anything
that was sarcasm
used in the best possible way

and only very minor feelings of patheticness were felt =)

muahahah

mr x IM-ed me about sweet music and i didnt care =)
you see, a month ago i would have been swooning all over the joint, but now, its just laughable (my behaviour that is)

But remember that blog i had about my "addiction"? I'm pretty sure i'm sober =D. but i'm also pretty sure i weened off the old addiction onto something so much better, healthier, more hilarious by far (which is most likely going to evoke many more feelings of pathetic-ness, but i'll deal with that later =D)

Also, I had a somewhat welcome trip down memory lane, and I was very shocked, flattered, frustrated and amused to learn of an old secret. It makes me laugh (i'm laughing right now), but i'm thinking "WHY THE FUCK DID I NOT DO ANYTHING". Another lady friend is involved in this, and i cant leave her out, cos we're both pretty proud of it ahaha. She's thinking the same thing =D

Anyways, my day, actually, my mind, was very male-orientated, i must say
jolly good!

and WHY aren't these people roaming the streets in real life?

i win!

muahah... fuck yeah for cold turkey!
no matter what true_libertine says, dreamy eyes are no longer my vice ;D
i said this in a blog cos whenever i load pages on here i gotta refresh like 1 billion times.
anyways. im feeling good about everything. weekends are good, marks are good, weather is fabulous. what more can i ask for?
but i do still have some troubles with maths. which i'll just turn into a very crappy metaphor for life. like every other equation we have to puzzle out, levels of happiness always seem to have maximums and minimums. so this is my maximum. and i'm waiting for the downturn to happen soon
lolol yay thats not cynical at all
oh well. im enjoying this for as long as i can =)
hopefully the equation somehow turns into a plateau of happiness yayayaya

but damn the laws of maths/life
it probs wont -_-

cold turkey

IT IS WORKING, IT WILL CONTINUE TO WORK, AND IT WILL BE AWESOME
i feel liberated from being pathetic =D

swoony shorts

okay. i did an angry blog, now i'll do a love-induced blog
(need to get this months blogs up to scratch. only one blog last month! gosh. must have been a little too carefree, with all my happiness)
anyways, i've told all my friends i'm going cold turkey off the person i thought was so amazing. theyre pretty disappointed heh
his unresponsiveness is brutally erasing all the pretty images in my minds eye
and it's quite sad. i'm giving up on love. well this particular love anyway.
while i feel fine and dandy now (which means i'm just unattached from my passionate little heart), i can tell, eventually, i'll have this weird sense of loss and regret. i mean, cold turkey can only go so far. its pretty much a last resort
there are other steps, but i'm pretty sure theyre not gonna work. and the one that MIGHT work is way too scary to try
1. weening myself off with another, less potent, addiction. eg. a slightly less attractive man
2. moving onto something stronger. eg. a slightly more attractive man
3. hypnosis, mind fuzz, leaving my earthy senses. eg. actual sense-altering substances
4. intervention. eg. convincing my friends i need help
5. confronting it head on. eg. telling him how i feel

so. im keen on the weening off onto other men. but i know that'll turn into another full blown addiction. so thats out of the question... sort of.
the mind fuzz sounds very tempting, but thats not gonna happen either, cos i literally have no means/money/place to try fuzzling up my brain.
i think, eventually, my friends will give up with me if i continue my cold turkey. and that will mean the intervention strategy WILL work. i think one by one theyre giving up. but i have a few stubborn supporters of my addiction
and. of course, the one that could lead either to a happy ending, closure, or deep depression, is the only one that seems most sensible. but obviously, i'm too much of a softcock to try it. funny that. the one with most promise, or at least the one with an actual answer is the only one i'm definately not willing to try.

it's easy to scream COLD TURKEY now, when i dont have his pretty eyes locking onto mine
but. jesus, when they do, i'm a lovehigh fool
and i hate it
he's more potent than meth
the highs are worth the lows
but i cant get enough
its a strong addiction, and i'm just gonna keep on relapsing