this is why i (L) blogspot

it knows exactly what i'm thinking =)



and this guy is realllly attractive.


josh morgan, drummer of the subways



I gotta compose a piece of music to go with 'a chosen visual stimulus'. I'm excited. I planned to do like 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' and have some psychedelic rock n roll when Raoul and Doctor Gonzo are like tripping out. then i was looking at that scene from Donnie Darko when Donnie and Gretchen are walking down the stairs holding hands. BUT I'M NOT SURE AS OF YET. But apparently our drummer told ur bassist to tell our guitarist who then told the synth player (myself) that we can jam on Monday. so i can get ideas then =). There are no pressing matters in the life of Georgia right now, but thats good. the longer things are normal and coasty, the longer i'll be content and pleased yay

*random giggling puncutated with yelps of pain*

thats exactly what is happening right now ^^. i went to a metal gig (yes i finally gave in) and out of all the recent metal gigs, i'm pretty sure this was the smallest. i sure know how to pick them. but it was fun.
i just wish more of my friendlings were there. ah wells. i had two good ones there yay.
but whatevers. i kinda dipped down from my disturbingly happy stage into insecurity again... for a little while. then i stopped caring about my insecurities, but that freaks me out even more. because i dont wanna stop caring, yet caring makes me sad and unhappy. i think it's worth it though. it's 'exquisite pain' as Carrie from (don't kill me) Sex and The City would say. I just wanna TAKE the plunge, but every time it comes close, something like the fucking holidays just makes us drift again. i'm using the same analogy that i used on my friends; it's like Sims. you build up something. and then if you dont invite them over or call them for a while, your friendship just sinks and sinks and sinks til you're strangers again. and its so goddamn annoying. hes so goddamn inaccessible. sometimes little things happen that just scream 'there's something here' and then other times something else can happen and i just feel like i'm a psychotic bitch who just made it all up in her head. whatevers. how can i be cut out for wounded guys when i'm not completely sure how to cure myself?

up-your-date

i have no dramatic stories or interesting revelations. and you know what that means... i'm happy! isn't it strange that when youre just normal and content, you have nothing interesting to analyse, obsess or talk (aka whinge) about? but yeah. i'm feelinnn goooood *cuddles stranger* and, also, a little bit accomplished ;D. i was feeling quite bored of the metal scene in cairns, and so was one of my friends. and one thing led to another and his msn name (something to do with starting a 'shoegazing/post-punk/electro/12 other different genres' band) resorted in a line-up for our own little band. which, i may have forgotten to metion, I'M INN. WOOOOOooo ROOCKKKK HARDD... or should i say 'indiesynthpoppunkrock' hard. so yeah. i'm freakin excited. i'm very much willing to bring sexy riffs into local music, and put an end to double-kicks and unintelligible lyrics. or whatever you kids listen to nowadays. lolol noo, i dont wanna put an end to metal. dont get me wrong, i appreciate the metal! but there is no place for me in metal, and i still wanna be in a band. so. by association ((c) jesse), i should be in a NON METAL BAND!
i'm with some talented young men (yeah note the ratio of women to men in bands! although, thank golly god, that's changing). hopefully our psuedo jam session gels like jam, and then i'll feel some piece of mind. i'll try not to get TOO carried away until i can decide whether it'll work. but i hope it does =)

so-called flaws

I feel literally dirty. As in, I need a shower. But I’m so goddamn slack I DON'T CARE. Anyways, hello blog. I'm keen on some more emotional question asking, if you'll be so kind to listen BUT NEVER ANSWER ME. Oh I know: 'find the answer in yourself', you hint sagely. Damn blogs and your new age bullshit. Okay *cuts tangent*

So I’m gonna go back a couple of weeks, back to the gypsy zorba circle night. We also discussed what type of guy we'd marry and the results were amusing, intricate, disturbingly truthful and possibly accurate. One friend, who’s a very sexy lady ;D, said "My husband shalt be addicted to sex!". Another friend, who’s into laughing and incense (from what I remember anyway), said "My husband shall be addicted to weed!". Yours truly, who into intensity and rock 'n' roll tragedies said "My husband will be addicted to heroin and suicide!". The final friend, who’s literally a drama queen (as in, she learns drama, acts in plays etc.) said, “My husband will be addicted to”- throwing us all off-guard- "Shakespeare!". She brought us back to earth. As we got caught up in our crazy conversation, we skimmed over the fact that that behaviour is seriously unacceptable. But is it so wrong to be attracted to ‘unacceptable behaviour’, to relish what society would call 'flaws'? I guess we were kidding and exaggerating, but the scary thing was, is that we could all see ourselves, and each other in a potentially chemical romance (Yes, pun intended. Well for my little rock-husband tale anyway).

Maybe we're just into the type of guy that WOULD be said sex/ganja/valium/drama addict. For example, the sex addict man would be... well, sexy, confident, hunky, spontaneous; the grass-lover would be chill, calm, giggly, overbrimming with content-NESS and always keen for a great time; the suicidal man would be wounded, troubled, intense, passionate and deep; and the drama man would be confident, unique, demonstrative, expressive, and, gathering from the several drama kids I’ve met, sincerely interesting and amusing. Those summaries (whilst subconsciously generalised, I’m sure) really do sound like a good match for my friends.

So now I’ve got the question, blog. Is it okay, nay, normal to love the 'imperfections' as much as, or even more than the 'good characteristics' themselves?
What would one consider a 'good characteristic' anyway? While some women would be disturbed by intense, emotionally driven men, that shit is admired by me.

Yeah. See! I can't find the answer in myself, blog. Your peace-loving jargon didn’t work this time! I usually can puzzle it out by the end, after an hour of mulling over it, but I will get back to you later.

ex oh ex oh... gossip girl
muahaha sorry. I had to

ALMOST

so right now i'm on PUBLIC INTERNET. which obviously means i'm cool. but yes. I'm in town ALMOST bored, aside from the fact i'm on the net, have $70 (oh god dont get mugged) and have a whole bunch of movies to watch and men to perve on. evens though the fun has ALMOST gone out of that tooooo. *sighs happily like a naval ALMOST widow whos husband WASNT left to die at sea*
there's a lot of ALMOSTs in here, dont you think?
>could spool off into an ALMOST awesome feature article if i had more that 12 MINS LEFT*
but yeah. regrets seems to stem from something ALMOST happening, or ALMOST holding his hand, or ALMOST taking that left turn.
and i'm not spontaneous to see what would happen if i took the ALMOST-route
But as of late, ive been trying to CALM DOWN a little and TRYING to embrace the ALMOST. And I hope that eventually i can DEFINATELY get this man i like
fuck the almost. i want definately (L)

Feeling unnervingly good

I'M ALMOST EXAM FREE
ALTHOUGH I PROBABLY SHOULDNT CELEBRATE TIL TUESDAY (after music exam is done) BUT I DONT CARE
I've had a couple of great days, including a teacher saying something filthy, conversations with a pretty person, multiple hours of Sex and The City, chocolate, hair cutting, live gypsy/folk music and a zorba dance circle.
I love life!
But yes. I wish there was an embarassing-free way of getting with my white knight, but there isn't. So I'll just be pathetic and sit around waiting and swooning 'privately' (when i say privately, it just means i haven't told him to his face... yet) like any good 1900's woman would do, bar cooking and quilting because we 21st century women aren't wired that way. That was a long sentence.

Myself and 3 other girly friendies were discussing next year; our year as 'adults'. I realised, yet again, that I have a really good, easy (possibly too good and easy) way of life. I feel like such a spolit, bragging little brat. DISCLAIMER: I DON'T MEAN TO BE

But regardless, my want to just LEAVE and never look back is vanishing. My want to stay and still be a child, with no responsibilities, or things to worry about, is growing. I work in reverse, it seems. In past years, I had so many more ideas of what I wanted to be; a lot more structured and detailed than my plans are now. As time goes on, the less I know what to do with myself. It's annoyingly contrary.

One thing really struck me though. Everyone we're leaving behind (or growing up from) are still going to be here, growing, evolving, changing, and we won't be a part of that anymore. All our little friends in year 11, year 10, year 9 (no year 8 friends, of course) will grow up, without us anymore. They'll bond, and we won't be there to bond with them. I feel like I'm gonna miss out on so much, yet, in 9 months, the world will 'be my oyster'. I never really thought about what that meant though, until this year.

In year 8, there was no one younger than us, and there seemed to be no one older than a year 12-er. But now I'm here, I still feel like the baby; just a little less scrawny, a lot more unhealthy, and hopefully, better taste and judgement. The year 8-ers next year, after we've all gone, will never know I existed. While that doesn't really sound like much to fret over (being unknown to spotty little faceless children), it just really hits me that we've literally grown away from a whole new batch of people; people who will never look up to us, people we will never influence or meet.

I can feel the emptiness of saying goodbye right now. Because, when I'm gone, all my friends are going to change and forget about me, which, I realised very recently, really hurts. While I'm not usually known to want to be involved in everyones lives and be constantly assured I'm their friend, I don't want to be replaced, forgotten or dismissed as a vague, detached memory. I want people to think "Ah Georgia. I miss her. No one will ever make me forget about her." It just makes me sad. It's so very easy to drift, and all the people I care about will find someone new, someone more amazing, and I'll just be that highschool friend, the one you used to have 'silly little D&M's with'.

Now I'm savouring all the people I never want to forget. God. I'm so SELFISH. For the past year, just because I've wanted to leave, I've forgotten about my friends, who probably don't want me to forget them. Up until like RIGHT NOW (possibly because of my growing need to stay), I realise maybe they've been thinking this, too, for a year. But like I said. I work in reverse. *sigh* I hope this reverse shit isn't forever.
I hope I don't suffer the break-ups before the love
or the hangovers before the binge
DX





EDIT: CAN YOU SEE MY TITLE?! MERE MINUTES AGO I WAS FEELING FUCKING AMAZING AND NOW DISTURBING TRUTHS ARE POPPING INTO MY HEAD. Damn this blog and its power to stop people avoiding themselves

it's funny how...

pretty much all my happiness depends on a male. who probs doesn't even know i feel that way
>_o
is that normal?
actually. he probs does know as i'm very awkward and obvious and his eyes reek of 'i know what you're thinking'-NESS
uhhg i can't construct a proper sentennceeeeee

I'm almost stress free, besides the fact its 2am and my art is due in around 12 hours. and it's not done. no sleeping for me! but luckily i had bigbig cup of iced coffee... >_o x 2

anyways seeing as this blog is boring, i'll call it a night. or should i say morning
goodnigh-ning
or
goodmor-ght
whatever tickles your fancy