thats exactly what is happening right now ^^. i went to a metal gig (yes i finally gave in) and out of all the recent metal gigs, i'm pretty sure this was the smallest. i sure know how to pick them. but it was fun.
i just wish more of my friendlings were there. ah wells. i had two good ones there yay.
but whatevers. i kinda dipped down from my disturbingly happy stage into insecurity again... for a little while. then i stopped caring about my insecurities, but that freaks me out even more. because i dont wanna stop caring, yet caring makes me sad and unhappy. i think it's worth it though. it's 'exquisite pain' as Carrie from (don't kill me) Sex and The City would say. I just wanna TAKE the plunge, but every time it comes close, something like the fucking holidays just makes us drift again. i'm using the same analogy that i used on my friends; it's like Sims. you build up something. and then if you dont invite them over or call them for a while, your friendship just sinks and sinks and sinks til you're strangers again. and its so goddamn annoying. hes so goddamn inaccessible. sometimes little things happen that just scream 'there's something here' and then other times something else can happen and i just feel like i'm a psychotic bitch who just made it all up in her head. whatevers. how can i be cut out for wounded guys when i'm not completely sure how to cure myself?
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