GARHG

Okay
so being a teenager, in grade 12, in a generation full of overly-thoughtful and emotionally-accident-prone people, you get a fair share of listening to and hearing about peoples problems and shit.
And right now, i just feel so bad for them all; so bad that i'm not gonna bother with proper grammar in this blog.
But it is unfair. It's unfair that numerous loving, kind, unique, somewhat shy individuals never get what they want, whether it be a boyfriend or a girlfriend or an invite to a party. It's unfair that, even if you try and be the best person you can be, you don't feel you're reaping the promised rewards. It's unfair, no matter hard you try, you just fail miserably for everyone to see. It's unfair that, the first time they open up and have a serious emotion, they get knocked back and told off. You get the idea...
but to all those people feeling disillusioned and feeling like they should just give up and not give a shit:
DON'T
okay. because there's nothing i admire more than someone who always does the right thing and doesn't just choose the easy way out. if anything, you know at least i'll think you're fabulous.

if i wanted i COULD throw myself on men, get drunk and get a cheap glimmer of affection and closeness and passion.
if i wanted i COULD try and suck up to teachers to get a better mark.
if i wanted i COULD just drop out and get a job as a truck driver.
if i wanted i COULD try and hang around the 'popular kids', so i would have more 'friends'

but i don't, because i have self-worth, a conscience, self-respect and a little, iron-hard resolve to not just settle for 'average'.
i'd rather have no boyfriend than lower myself to a disgusting level
i'd rather achieve my good marks, not schmooze my way through life
i'd rather finish grade 12, go to university and give myself a challenge than take the easy way out
i'd rather act like myself, not settle for mediocrity and befriend people who actually like ME, even to the point of being a complete loner.

With that said, i know too fucking well how hard it is to continue to think that. i look at these people, arrogant, bitchy, rude, thoughtless people. They get their man, they get a bunch of friends, they always have a good time, all the while being complete fuckfaces to anyone who isn't 'totz hot' and a 'mad cunt' and 'fukin maggot'. And all this happens while i sit, watching from the sidelines, trying to be a good person and choosing to use the power of conversation instead of letting my tits do the talking.
maybe people with even stronger beliefs than me will win the lotto in 10 years.
i hope it fuckign pays off though

EHhhh
do i sound like an asshole?
i'm an asshole

and my english draft is due tomorrow
if tits could come in handy in respects to assignments... *vaguely considers*
no i fully lie
=)

stay strong people!








on a lovely note, i'm also completely smitten. he's amazing and im dazzled
but i can get SHOOOK outta that mood quickfast
sigh




goodnight